It has been a lovely week here in southeast Michigan. The weather warmed up enough to melt a lot of the snow, though people tell me that it is only a teaser. Still, I have had the urge to be outside and have started a bit of garden work today...mainly clean up from the winter. The grass looks beaten. It is brown and the ground is still frozen pretty solid. My mulching experiment has done nothing so far..the cardboard has not broken down yet.
My need for green was so strong that I went out and bought a couple of houseplants and a set of small pots and herb seeds for growing indoors.
One of the loveliest things about this late winter- early spring time of year are the Cardinals. The line up on the back fence...their red pointed heads bobbing around while they take turns at the suet feeder.
It reminds me of how I have been feeling these past few weeks on my path. I experience the impulse to 'clean up' myself and my environment...inner and outer. I did not have a completely successful week this past week. I did not really cook much last weekend and that makes a huge difference in the success of my week. I ate out quite a bit this week and while I did not get into a lot of gluten, I got into enough of it to experience some side effects from both it and from dairy. So it seems official that I am sensitive to them both.
My ill effects included the familiar extreme drop in energy with the need to sleep following ingestion of wheat flour, and GI symptoms as well as headaches. I tried to switch to drinking my morning coffee black but just did not enjoy it as much.
I have tried a few new products this week: Silk soy coffee creamer, Bob's Red Mill GF pancake mix and Kinnekinnik frozen gluten-free english muffins (tapioca). The English muffins are worth the expense (roughly $2.00 per muffin). They are wonderful and I have no idea how they get them to be crisp and soft (not powdery). They are so wonderful (and expensive) that they are a great product to purchase for something special or for GF company. Really excellent. I found them in the Natural Food section of Kroger in the frozen section. I have also seen them at Whole Foods.
The Bob's red mill GF pancake mix is a bit of a miss for me. There is something funny in the taste of the pancakes...anyway, it just doesn't work for me. Plus, I experienced post prandial drowsiness after eating just 2 small ones...so they must be very high in sugars. I am looking forward to finding a good recipe for the homemade variety if anyone knows of one.
Finally the Silk Soy coffee creamer (purchased because the Almond milk was revolting in coffee and because I was just not satisfied with black coffee) is also revolting. It is actually sweetened with something that is just not right with coffee. Obviously trying to simulate the natural milk sugar (lactose) it just does not make it. So for me, I think that I would rather drink my coffee black. Yes, the obvious is that I should stop coffee altogether. Well, that will come but I don't think that it is good for me to restrict too much all at once. I found going off gluten pretty simple. Committing to organic foods has added expense to my grocery shopping. Eliminating dairy to that list has been challenging.
I am doing something a little different this week with my reflective portion. I have decided to interview a couple of people who have made healthy changes to their lives. These are still in progress, so as soon as they are complete, I will edit and post.
I have some cooking in my future today: I have black beans soaking to go into the crock pot over night; I am making a red and white quinoa salad that I am looking forward to, and also trying a new recipe passed onto me by a friend from the NY Times living healthy section- Beets and Spiced Quinoa. So a couple of new things to keep things interesting. Have a wonderful week.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Gratitude and Healing
There is a kind of miraculous thing that happens when one decides to embrace Gratitude.
First of all, if you are like me, my mind easily embraces and attaches to the negative; those things that are uncomfortable, inconvenient, troublesome and disappointing to us: having to get up and go to work when we are tired or not feeling well, our sore and aching bodies, the aging face in the bathroom mirror, the eternal winter or humid summer, the people we have loved and lost or the ways in which our lives have fallen short of our dreams.
It is an act of the will and a discipline to mindfully let go of the sense of complaint about what is uncomfortable or painful and to purposefully move the focus toward a place of recognizing and acknowledging the blessings of life. Put another way, perhaps acknowledging things that I have created for myself that are positive. There is something significant in that act of turning from one choice to another. The letting go and the turning away from one train of thought toward another. I think that this inner movement is a sacred act and a grace.
I don't wish to advocate denying pain or burying shadow feelings that really require expression to enable full healing. There are people in my life that are just uncomfortable with any honest expression of pain or difficulty. These are the sorts of people that immediately counter any painful emotion with a sort of 'pack up your troubles in your old Kit bag and smile, smile, smile' attitude. There is nothing more tedious. The message is,"Your feelings are not OK and I don't want to hear about your discomfort- get over it". I cannot think of a clearer path to disease than the denial and repression of one's feelings. And I think that there is a qualitative difference between the sort of 'false front' this attitude asks for and genuine gratitude. I think that it has to do with the act of turning. It is a balancing act. And it is organic- an internal impulse.
Gratitude practice is a grace when one can fully experience the discomfort and choose to also hold the other things that are simultaneously present in the moment. My work is hard, I am tired but I am also so fortunate in these times of economic crisis and high unemployment to have not only a job, but one that is interesting, fulfilling and contributes to life. I must live frugally in order to maintain my home and I do not live an affluent lifestyle...but I have a comfortable home, a car and really everything I need. And the quality of what I feel as I am fully present to these things simultaneously is a genuine gratitude, not something forced like a platitude.
Observing my negative attachments and projections, I see that they proceed from things that I have no control over: the weather, other people's attitudes and behaviors, my own aging and the inevitability of entropy. Still, even within these realities, there is much to be grateful for- these things coexist with beautiful balance, equal and connected to one another...the only difference between the two aspect of my moment is that I decide what to connect to. And that is the power. I can decide what to connect to and what to embrace. I am not a slave to the bad news of the moment.
When I was in the throes of separating from my husband, I could not imagine anything more painful. The range of emotions I experienced was dizzying. There was a time when I was so angry with him that I just let out every angry thought, every injustice I felt I had endured and even then in the midst of this torrent, was the knowledge that it was not the whole truth. The whole truth was that co-existing with the problems was also tremendous support and love. They did not always live in equanimity with one another...but when I could speak from my heart and acknowledge both to myself and to him that this was also true, then the heart could open and leave space for healing in the middle of the pain.
So in the morning, I awaken on this healing path wondering what I will find to be grateful for and I often begin with the shallow. "I'm grateful for waking up at all", I laugh...but am I? Later on in my morning routine, I hear of a person whose life has ended tragically and I know in my heart that I AM grateful to have awakened. That life is precious and sweet- even when I am uncomfortable in it. It is then that I am able to be in the moments of my mundane day and that I can breathe with gratitude, drink clean water with gratitude for it, eat wholesome and healthy foods with gratitude, get into my cold car with thankfulness that I own a car and can drive to my workplace where I encounter splendid souls every moment- people making beauty in the world, people committed to healing others through their service and I get to be a part of that.
So this is where my healing path has taken me this week. As my body cleanses of the effects of Gluten, I find myself becoming aware of things that do not agree with me. And the cow dairy is definitely the next to go. I ate cow cheese last night and leftovers today at lunch and was met (for the second time in two weeks) with a very rumbling stomach. I am also dealing with a sore throat for the past couple of days. I have viewed it as an opportunity for self-care and so have been gentle and compassionate with myself- trying to provide what I think I need- warm baths, ginger tea, naps, music. It has been good.
With love and blessings
Terra
First of all, if you are like me, my mind easily embraces and attaches to the negative; those things that are uncomfortable, inconvenient, troublesome and disappointing to us: having to get up and go to work when we are tired or not feeling well, our sore and aching bodies, the aging face in the bathroom mirror, the eternal winter or humid summer, the people we have loved and lost or the ways in which our lives have fallen short of our dreams.
It is an act of the will and a discipline to mindfully let go of the sense of complaint about what is uncomfortable or painful and to purposefully move the focus toward a place of recognizing and acknowledging the blessings of life. Put another way, perhaps acknowledging things that I have created for myself that are positive. There is something significant in that act of turning from one choice to another. The letting go and the turning away from one train of thought toward another. I think that this inner movement is a sacred act and a grace.
I don't wish to advocate denying pain or burying shadow feelings that really require expression to enable full healing. There are people in my life that are just uncomfortable with any honest expression of pain or difficulty. These are the sorts of people that immediately counter any painful emotion with a sort of 'pack up your troubles in your old Kit bag and smile, smile, smile' attitude. There is nothing more tedious. The message is,"Your feelings are not OK and I don't want to hear about your discomfort- get over it". I cannot think of a clearer path to disease than the denial and repression of one's feelings. And I think that there is a qualitative difference between the sort of 'false front' this attitude asks for and genuine gratitude. I think that it has to do with the act of turning. It is a balancing act. And it is organic- an internal impulse.
Gratitude practice is a grace when one can fully experience the discomfort and choose to also hold the other things that are simultaneously present in the moment. My work is hard, I am tired but I am also so fortunate in these times of economic crisis and high unemployment to have not only a job, but one that is interesting, fulfilling and contributes to life. I must live frugally in order to maintain my home and I do not live an affluent lifestyle...but I have a comfortable home, a car and really everything I need. And the quality of what I feel as I am fully present to these things simultaneously is a genuine gratitude, not something forced like a platitude.
Observing my negative attachments and projections, I see that they proceed from things that I have no control over: the weather, other people's attitudes and behaviors, my own aging and the inevitability of entropy. Still, even within these realities, there is much to be grateful for- these things coexist with beautiful balance, equal and connected to one another...the only difference between the two aspect of my moment is that I decide what to connect to. And that is the power. I can decide what to connect to and what to embrace. I am not a slave to the bad news of the moment.
When I was in the throes of separating from my husband, I could not imagine anything more painful. The range of emotions I experienced was dizzying. There was a time when I was so angry with him that I just let out every angry thought, every injustice I felt I had endured and even then in the midst of this torrent, was the knowledge that it was not the whole truth. The whole truth was that co-existing with the problems was also tremendous support and love. They did not always live in equanimity with one another...but when I could speak from my heart and acknowledge both to myself and to him that this was also true, then the heart could open and leave space for healing in the middle of the pain.
So in the morning, I awaken on this healing path wondering what I will find to be grateful for and I often begin with the shallow. "I'm grateful for waking up at all", I laugh...but am I? Later on in my morning routine, I hear of a person whose life has ended tragically and I know in my heart that I AM grateful to have awakened. That life is precious and sweet- even when I am uncomfortable in it. It is then that I am able to be in the moments of my mundane day and that I can breathe with gratitude, drink clean water with gratitude for it, eat wholesome and healthy foods with gratitude, get into my cold car with thankfulness that I own a car and can drive to my workplace where I encounter splendid souls every moment- people making beauty in the world, people committed to healing others through their service and I get to be a part of that.
So this is where my healing path has taken me this week. As my body cleanses of the effects of Gluten, I find myself becoming aware of things that do not agree with me. And the cow dairy is definitely the next to go. I ate cow cheese last night and leftovers today at lunch and was met (for the second time in two weeks) with a very rumbling stomach. I am also dealing with a sore throat for the past couple of days. I have viewed it as an opportunity for self-care and so have been gentle and compassionate with myself- trying to provide what I think I need- warm baths, ginger tea, naps, music. It has been good.
With love and blessings
Terra
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Rice Noodles for New Year
Happy Chinese New Year! Thursday was the lunar New Year and it is good luck to have noodles on new year. Being gluten free, I still wanted to have noodles but this year opted for Rice Noodles and veggies seasoned with Chinese 5 spice, sesame oil and Bragg's Aminos. It is very satisfying and the rice noodles really do satisfy that craving for a starchy noodle.
In my last blog post, I talked about going to the Asian grocery market and what an aesthetic experience it was for me...well, this is the outcome of that inspiration. This is a basic stir fry with broccoli, onions, carrots, snow peas, mung bean sprouts, bok choy and a fresh water chestnut sliced. Onion, garlic and fresh gingerroot make this a wonderfully savory and warm gluten-free meal for the winter.
This is a photo of my lovely new bowl purchased at the Asian grocery. You cannot really see the pattern on the side, but I like it a lot! It goes well with my (admittedly) Japanese chopsticks!
Speaking of good eats, I can highly recommend Gunpowder Tea. This green tea comes in small pearls.
So one of the reasons I do not usually drink a lot of green tea is that I often find it to be bitter and astringent. I understand now that green tea should only be steeped for 1 minute. You should only use 1 tablespoon of loose tea per 5-6 oz of water. For tea neophytes...one pours the hot water OVER the tea leaves...scalding them. One does not drop tea leaves or tea bags into pre-existing pots of moderately hot water. No No No. Boil the water, take it off the fire and for green tea, let it sit for just a few seconds until it stops its rapid boil (for English and Indian black tea, it is essential that the water be poured while boiling) and then gently pour over the leaves (use a cup with a strainer if you do not have a Chinese teapot). Enjoy while hot.
Gunpowder tea, I find, has a very mild natural sweetness to it so it needs no additives. It is pretty important to not add things to your green tea, though I know some people who enjoy a very little lemon- I save my lemon for Earl Grey.
Well, it is snowing ferociously right now and I am happy to be enjoying a hot cup of Gunpowder Tea.
During this past week, I experimented a little with eating some gluten/flour products. It was my natural frugality at work. Not wanting to waste a perfectly good box of crackers, I munched on quite a few of the little buggers in the evening. By the next morning, I had a whopping headache that lasted all day. I think that I can safely say that my humble experiment indicates that I have made a good choice to leave Gluten products in my past and to plan a future of healthy meals without the things that make me sick!!!
Have a wonderful, healthy and safe weekend.
Love,
Terra
Feeding the Creative Spirit
It is another Saturday morning and this past week I have been exploring ways to have a bit more balance in life without sacrificing my commitments to others.
Too often, I have had reactions to people who say 'no' to life's invitations with a sort of self-righteous belligerence:
"I'm doing this for ME"... as if it is anyone else's fault that they have been giving themselves away. A lot of times, this attitude leaves others to pick up the pieces. It feels adolescent and self-absorbed. I am not willing to walk my own healing path at the expense of others...but really only wanting to find a way to hold reasonable boundaries between my own needs and those of others. The challenge is in discerning what are truly my needs as opposed to the drives that are generated by my internal scripts. core beliefs and fears.
This week in class, I was 'teaching' (reviewing more like) Psychoanalytic theory with my music therapy students and we were talking about Freud's famous construct of the personality: Id, Ego and Superego. I recognized that my reactions to the 'selfish' self-care attitude has to do with its 'Id-like' nature and that my Superego is in charge of my life most of the time. What if I gave Id her way some of the time? Followed impulse rather than censored it? Would I descend into some Bacchanalian orgy of indolence?
I allowed Id her sway yesterday afternoon and thoroughly enjoyed it. I had an idea to take my dog for a long walk around campus. I have often thought of doing that but then the 'shoulds' attach and I think about the time or my commitments and don't do it. Yesterday, I did it and it was grand. Good for us both. I then had the craving to explore the Asian grocery in my town, and mooched around there for about 45 minutes taking in the amazing sights of really fresh vegetables, exotic packaged foods, the smells and the sounds of Chinese being spoken. I bought some gunpowder tea pearls and some gluten-free products (rice sticks), and a lovely bowl to have soups in. A wonderful experience.
I remember how much I enjoyed spending time at the Granville Island Public Market when I lived in Vancouver, BC. I went there frequently- nearly every weekend to pick up fresh foods for the week. I used to walk along the path from English Bay and into False Creek, and would then carry my groceries back in my back pack. The sights and sounds of the artisans, the street musicians, the vendors with their fresh vegetables, meats and breads, the smells of the fresh flowers in overflowing buckets just fed my spirit and left me with feelings of extreme serenity.
I understand myself as an artist- I live and perform my life through the senses and when too much of my time is spent working with my mind in ways that marginalize my senses, I think that I become out of balance. So something as simple as walking through an Asian grocery rekindled that in me yesterday...as did the long walk through campus with Chynna feeling the cold and the sunlight; noticing the vibrant blue sky and the blinding light of the snow.
My Id is not so Id-like after all. Maybe the one the Ego needs to take care of is Superego!!! Well...I will have to think about that!!!
The insight for this week has to do with feeding the creative spirit with things unrelated to work...with experiences that allow my senses to take in life aesthetically. And may I say in a way that does not feel like the sort of commitment that my superego could use to beat me over the head with! :) She is pretty unrelenting. I'll explore her at some point.
I will write another post about the dietary part of my path this week. As I wind my way meditatively along this path, I see that it is all entwined.
Love
Terra
Too often, I have had reactions to people who say 'no' to life's invitations with a sort of self-righteous belligerence:
"I'm doing this for ME"... as if it is anyone else's fault that they have been giving themselves away. A lot of times, this attitude leaves others to pick up the pieces. It feels adolescent and self-absorbed. I am not willing to walk my own healing path at the expense of others...but really only wanting to find a way to hold reasonable boundaries between my own needs and those of others. The challenge is in discerning what are truly my needs as opposed to the drives that are generated by my internal scripts. core beliefs and fears.
This week in class, I was 'teaching' (reviewing more like) Psychoanalytic theory with my music therapy students and we were talking about Freud's famous construct of the personality: Id, Ego and Superego. I recognized that my reactions to the 'selfish' self-care attitude has to do with its 'Id-like' nature and that my Superego is in charge of my life most of the time. What if I gave Id her way some of the time? Followed impulse rather than censored it? Would I descend into some Bacchanalian orgy of indolence?
I allowed Id her sway yesterday afternoon and thoroughly enjoyed it. I had an idea to take my dog for a long walk around campus. I have often thought of doing that but then the 'shoulds' attach and I think about the time or my commitments and don't do it. Yesterday, I did it and it was grand. Good for us both. I then had the craving to explore the Asian grocery in my town, and mooched around there for about 45 minutes taking in the amazing sights of really fresh vegetables, exotic packaged foods, the smells and the sounds of Chinese being spoken. I bought some gunpowder tea pearls and some gluten-free products (rice sticks), and a lovely bowl to have soups in. A wonderful experience.
I remember how much I enjoyed spending time at the Granville Island Public Market when I lived in Vancouver, BC. I went there frequently- nearly every weekend to pick up fresh foods for the week. I used to walk along the path from English Bay and into False Creek, and would then carry my groceries back in my back pack. The sights and sounds of the artisans, the street musicians, the vendors with their fresh vegetables, meats and breads, the smells of the fresh flowers in overflowing buckets just fed my spirit and left me with feelings of extreme serenity.
I understand myself as an artist- I live and perform my life through the senses and when too much of my time is spent working with my mind in ways that marginalize my senses, I think that I become out of balance. So something as simple as walking through an Asian grocery rekindled that in me yesterday...as did the long walk through campus with Chynna feeling the cold and the sunlight; noticing the vibrant blue sky and the blinding light of the snow.
My Id is not so Id-like after all. Maybe the one the Ego needs to take care of is Superego!!! Well...I will have to think about that!!!
The insight for this week has to do with feeding the creative spirit with things unrelated to work...with experiences that allow my senses to take in life aesthetically. And may I say in a way that does not feel like the sort of commitment that my superego could use to beat me over the head with! :) She is pretty unrelenting. I'll explore her at some point.
I will write another post about the dietary part of my path this week. As I wind my way meditatively along this path, I see that it is all entwined.
Love
Terra
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