Gratitude and Healing

There is a kind of miraculous thing that happens when one decides to embrace Gratitude.

First of all, if you are like me, my mind easily embraces and attaches to the negative; those things that are uncomfortable, inconvenient, troublesome and disappointing to us: having to get up and go to work when we are tired or not feeling well, our sore and aching bodies, the aging face in the bathroom mirror, the eternal winter or humid summer, the people we have loved and lost or the ways in which our lives have fallen short of our dreams.

 It is an act of the will and a discipline to mindfully let go of the sense of complaint about what is uncomfortable or painful and to purposefully move the focus toward a place of recognizing and acknowledging the blessings of life.  Put another way, perhaps acknowledging things that I have created for myself that are positive.  There is something significant in that act of turning from one choice to another.  The letting go and the turning away from one train of thought toward another.  I think that this inner movement is a sacred act and a grace.

I don't wish to advocate denying pain or burying shadow feelings that really require expression to enable full healing.  There are people in my life that are just uncomfortable with any honest expression of pain or difficulty.  These are the sorts of people that immediately counter any painful emotion with a sort of 'pack up your troubles in your old Kit bag and smile, smile, smile' attitude.  There is nothing more tedious.  The message is,"Your feelings are not OK and I don't want to hear about your discomfort- get over it".  I cannot think of a clearer path to disease than the denial and repression of one's feelings.  And I think that there is a qualitative difference between the sort of 'false front' this attitude asks for and genuine gratitude.  I think that it has to do with the act of turning.  It is a balancing act. And it is organic- an internal impulse.

Gratitude practice is a grace when one can fully experience the discomfort and choose to also hold the other things that are simultaneously present in the moment.  My work is hard, I am tired but I am also so fortunate in these times of economic crisis and high unemployment to have not only a job, but one that  is interesting, fulfilling and contributes to life.  I must live frugally in order to maintain my home and I do not live an affluent lifestyle...but I have a comfortable home, a car and really everything I need.  And the quality of what I feel as I am fully present to these things simultaneously is a genuine gratitude, not something forced like a platitude.

Observing my negative attachments and projections, I see that they proceed from things that I have no control over: the weather, other people's attitudes and behaviors, my own aging and the inevitability of entropy.   Still, even within these realities, there is much to be grateful for- these things coexist with beautiful balance, equal and connected to one another...the only difference between the two aspect of my moment is that I decide what to connect to.  And that is the power.  I can decide what to connect to and what to embrace.  I am not a slave to the bad news of the moment.

When I was in the throes of separating from my husband, I could not imagine anything more painful.  The range of emotions I experienced was dizzying.  There was a time when I was so angry with him that I just let out every angry thought, every injustice I felt I had endured and even then in the midst of this torrent, was the knowledge that it was not the whole truth.  The whole truth was that co-existing with the problems was also tremendous support and love.  They did not always live in equanimity with one another...but when I could speak from my heart and acknowledge both to myself and to him that this was also true, then the heart could open and leave space for healing in the middle of the pain.

So in the morning, I awaken on this healing path wondering what I will find to be grateful for and I often begin with the shallow.  "I'm grateful for waking up at all", I laugh...but am I?  Later on in my morning routine, I hear of a person whose life has ended tragically and I know in my heart that I AM grateful to have awakened.  That life is precious and sweet- even when I am uncomfortable in it.  It is then that I am able to be in the moments of my mundane day and that I can breathe with gratitude, drink clean water with gratitude for it, eat wholesome and healthy foods with gratitude, get into my cold car with thankfulness that I own a car and can drive to my workplace where I encounter splendid souls every moment- people making beauty in the world, people committed to healing others through their service and I get to be a part of that.

So this is where my healing path has taken me this week.  As my body cleanses of the effects of Gluten, I find myself becoming aware of things that do not agree with me.  And the cow dairy is definitely the next to go.  I ate cow cheese last night and leftovers today at lunch and was met (for the second time in two weeks) with a very rumbling stomach.  I am also dealing with a sore throat for the past couple of days.  I have viewed it as an opportunity for self-care and so have been gentle and compassionate with myself- trying to provide what I think I need- warm baths, ginger tea, naps, music.  It has been good.

With love and blessings
Terra