Feeding the Creative Spirit

It is another Saturday morning and this past week I have been exploring ways to have a bit more balance in life without sacrificing my commitments to others.

Too often, I have had reactions to people who say 'no' to life's invitations with a sort of self-righteous belligerence:
"I'm doing this for ME"... as if it is anyone else's fault that they have been giving themselves away.  A lot of times, this attitude leaves others to pick up the pieces.  It feels adolescent and self-absorbed.  I am not willing to walk my own healing path at the expense of others...but really only wanting to find a way to hold reasonable boundaries between my own needs and those of others.  The challenge is in discerning what are truly my needs as opposed to the drives that are generated by my internal scripts. core beliefs and fears.

This week in class, I was 'teaching' (reviewing more like) Psychoanalytic theory with my music therapy students and we were talking about Freud's famous construct of the personality: Id, Ego and Superego.  I recognized that my reactions to the 'selfish' self-care attitude has to do with its 'Id-like' nature and that my Superego is in charge of my life most of the time.  What if I gave Id her way some of the time?  Followed impulse rather than censored it?  Would I descend into some Bacchanalian orgy of indolence?

I allowed Id her sway yesterday afternoon and thoroughly enjoyed it.  I had an idea to take my dog for a long walk around campus.  I have often thought of doing that but then the 'shoulds' attach and I think about the time or my commitments and don't do it.  Yesterday, I did it and it was grand.  Good for us both.  I then had the craving to explore the Asian grocery in my town, and mooched around there for about 45 minutes taking in the amazing sights of really fresh vegetables, exotic packaged foods, the smells and the sounds of Chinese being spoken.  I bought some gunpowder tea pearls and some gluten-free products (rice sticks), and a lovely bowl to have soups in.  A wonderful experience.

I remember how much I enjoyed spending time at the Granville Island Public Market when I lived in Vancouver, BC.  I went there frequently- nearly every weekend to pick up fresh foods for the week.  I used to walk along the path from English Bay and into False Creek, and would then carry my groceries back in my back pack.  The sights and sounds of the artisans, the street musicians, the vendors with their fresh vegetables, meats and breads, the smells of the fresh flowers in overflowing buckets just fed my spirit and left me with feelings of extreme serenity.

I understand myself as an artist- I live and perform my life through the senses and when too much of my time is spent working with my mind in ways that marginalize my senses, I think that I become out of balance.  So something as simple as walking through an Asian grocery rekindled that in me yesterday...as did the long walk through campus with Chynna feeling the cold and the sunlight; noticing the vibrant blue sky and the blinding light of the snow.

My Id is not so Id-like after all.  Maybe the one the Ego needs to take care of is Superego!!! Well...I will have to think about that!!!

The insight for this week has to do with feeding the creative spirit with things unrelated to work...with experiences that allow my senses to take in life aesthetically.  And may I say in a way that does not feel like the sort of commitment that my superego could use to beat me over the head with!  :)  She is pretty unrelenting.  I'll explore her at some point.

I will write another post about the dietary part of my path this week.  As I wind my way meditatively  along this path, I see that it is all entwined.
Love
Terra